I’ve been working with, observing, and coaching leaders for many years. I‘ve thought about it, and if I could only dispense one piece of advice to every leader I encountered from now on, based on my experience and observation, it might be this:
You’re talking too much.
While this affliction doesn’t include every leader, it includes most, at least some of the time. The observation (and so the advice) applies across experience level, and to both introverted as well as extroverted leaders.
Too often, leaders talk too much.
Why Does This Happen?
Understanding why we talk too much is a good step in change, so let’s start there. The reasons vary, and for most of us (yes, I share this problem) more than one of these apply. Here are some of the causes or underlying reasons for why we, in our leadership role, talk too much:
- Our communication style. Some of you are more extroverted, and so you tend to talk more to start with! If you join me on the extroversion scale, you are perhaps more susceptible to the problem, but this isn’t the only cause.
- Our experiences and role models. Popular culture points to a leader as a public speaker. You’ve likely had a boss who wasn’t afraid to share their point of view. Perhaps even the leaders you look up to as role models tend to speak more than they would need to.
- Our perception of our position. Be careful. As a leader you have plenty of positional power, but don’t equate that with the need to have all the answers, or as the platform to pontificate and keep talking.
- Our fear of silence. You’ve likely tried to get others involved in the conversation. You’ve asked a question or asked for input and gotten silence rather than responses. When that happens, I’ll bet your response is to fill the quiet with their own words.
Why is it a Problem?
If your ego is overly enlarged, or your blind spot is too big, you may not see the problem all your talking is causing. Or maybe, as you are reading you are thinking this isn’t such a big deal. Here are just some of the consequences of talking too much:
- People can’t engage. How can people share their ideas if you are always talking? They might not even feel like there is a time or forum for their input. And after a while, not only can’t they engage, but they will choose not to, in part because of the next consequence …
- People believe you don’t want input. If you don’t ask for input or are talking (a lot) before giving them a chance, people will come to believe that you have already decided, and don’t want or value their input and ideas.
- Trust is reduced. You might think the opposite here. After all, if what you are saying is “right” or “brilliant,” won’t people trust you more? They might trust your expertise, but not likely your motives.
- Learning doesn’t happen. If you are talking, you aren’t learning. And if others aren’t saying much, they can’t learn from each other – and you won’t learn anything new either.
- It self-perpetuates. This one is the biggest one. If you talk a lot, there isn’t room for others to share, and this becomes the norm. Then when you want input, people are quiet; and then, because it is quiet, you may start talking again, reinforcing to everyone else that “the boss just wants to talk.”
Think about the problems on this list – chances are you experience some of them (or they are happening and you aren’t aware of them). If you do, it’s likely a clue for you to talk less.
Some Simple Advice
While the habits may be deeply ingrained, and before now you might not have realized the habit or the gravity of the unintended consequences, I have one simple phrase, that when you implement it will slowly change your habits and the expectations and culture around you:
Ask more and assert less.
When you ask more often, and even start with questions, and then wait out the silence a bit longer, you have a chance to engage others, to learn something, and to come to better results, with greater commitment from your team. These are great outcomes, and they all start by you talking less.
0 comments