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Communication & Interpersonal Skills, Leadership, Long-Distance Work, Personal & Professional Development

Anxiety at Work

Even before a pandemic added to our anxieties on every possible level, there was already a serious problem with anxiety at work. While I’m not glad the problem has become more pervasive, I am very glad it is now more commonly discussed. And doubly glad there are great resources to help us understand and overcome anxiety at work.

One of those resources is the new book by Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton, Anxiety at Work: 8 Strategies to Help Teams Build Resilience, Handle Uncertainty, and Get Stuff Done.

They cite research early in the book to solidify my initial point:

In a 2018 survey, 34 percent of workers of all ages reported feeling anxiety at least once in the previous month, and 18 percent had a diagnosed anxiety disorder.

Is there any doubt the problem is bigger today?

Problems need solutions and this book provides eight strategies leaders can adopt to greatly reduce the anxiety people are feeling.

The Eight Strategies

In eight core chapters, this book helps leaders think about how they can help team members:

Deal with uncertainty
Deal with overload
Chart their way
Manage perfectionism
Find their voice
Feel valued and accepted
Build social bonds
Use gratitude to build confidence

Research-based, practical ideas and instructive stories support each of these concepts. One of the things I most like about the book is the proactive, practical, and positive approach. It states the case and need clearly, then shows you how to help overcome the challenges of anxiety at work.

A Key Lesson

For me, the chapter on managing perfectionism was especially helpful. The connection between perfectionism and anxiety was clear. And yet, I don’t believe it is considered often enough in the “anxiety at work” conversation. The explanation of the difference between striving and perfectionism was helpful. The authors share some practical advice about how to spot perfectionism in ourselves and others. Some of the indicators include seeking excessive guidance, not wanting to take risks, and treating every decision as critically important.

That chapter also provide a series of important steps that you as a leader can take to help alleviate perfectionism as a source of anxiety for your team members. The advice is clear, practical, and immediately applicable.

Overall, this is a timely, well-written, extremely helpful book from two trusted leadership authors. If you recognize this problem in your workplace, you will love this read. If you think you don’t have this problem in your organization or on your team, you need this book. Use it to help you reconsider the possibilities and manifestations of anxiety in your workplace.

Don’t Want to Wait?

Maybe you aren’t a reader. Maybe you are a reader but already have too many books on your stack. Or maybe you want to start benefiting from this book before you can get your hands on a copy. In any case, release your anxiety! I had the great pleasure of talking about these ideas with co-author Chester Elton recently on the Remarkable Leadership Podcast. You can listen or watch from here, or find The Remarkable Leadership Podcast on Spotify or your favorite podcast app.

Communication & Interpersonal Skills

Take the WIRED Approach to Improve Communication

When we talk about burnout from a leadership perspective, it’s often in terms of how to recognize and treat it, both of which are highly important. However, what we want to focus on today takes a more proactive approach to prevent burnout.

Especially in times of stress, whether that stress is associated with a work intiative that requires extreme focus and long days for a short period of time or something more substantial, such as corporate layoffs or reorganization, its important to take steps to build resilence so the stress doesn’t turn into burnout.

Gary R. Simonds, MD, MHCDS, and Wayne M. Sotile, PhD—authors of Thriving in Healthcare: A Positive Approach to Reclaim Balance and Avoid Burnout in Your Busy Life recommend that leaders use the WIRED approach to improve communication, engagement and resilence:

W – Focus on the wellness of your people

Provide the support they need to succeed in their jobs. Encourage them to use PTO and prioritize their physical and mental health, which could be as simple as encouraging them to take a mental health day. Check in regularly to make sure that they are managing their workload effectively, and if they indicate they are struggling, provide resources to help. Showing you care about them as people, and not just their work output, is instrumental in preventing burnout.

I – Solicit their input

Regularly ask what do they need to more effectively do their jobs? Ask them how the organization can operate more efficiently, boost productivy, improve quality and provide better customer support. It shows you respect their opinions and offers them a sense of control, both of which can help bolster resilience.

R – Recognize their contributions

Few things energize people more than hearing a genuine “Thank you.” Spread the gratitude and praise around to boost their confidence, morale and engagement. Help them to feel proud of their own accomplishments and they are more like to feel proud to be a member of you organization. All of that can help them weather rough patches.

E – Teach people how to be efficient

So much stress occurs because people waste time and enegery on bad process or unimportant tasks, and it steals the time they should be using on the really important stuff. First, assess your processes to make sure you are operating as efficiently as possible. And because people tend to enjoy doing what they are good at doing, make sure they’ve received sufficient training and coaching so they can succeed in their roles.

D – Heighten dialogue between leaders and the troops

Doing so helps to curb “institutional silence.” This silence is a major cause of anxiety and is chronic problem in organizations of types and sizes. Even in the best of times—but especially during stressful times, it can be harmful.

Communication & Interpersonal Skills, Long-Distance Leadership, Organizational Leadership, Productivity, Teamwork & Collaboration

Inventing Fire and Getting People to Use Teams

Humans have a love-hate relationship with technology. We curse the need to be tethered to email and Slack for work while not being able to avoid our personal screens for more than a few minutes at a time. Everyone complains about the tools they have at their disposal, but shudder at the thought of learning even one more software package or remembering another password. As we dread the latest version of Teams or Slack, it’s helpful to think back a few years…like 40,000.

So easy a caveman can do it?

Cavemen had the same issues, just different technology. Imagine what the clan’s Shaman (a unique role, kind of a combination of HR and IT) must have encountered when trying to get people to adopt the use of fire:

Shaman: Hey, I noticed a tree get hit by lightning the other day and it started a fire. I think we can use that.

Crok: Is this another of your crazy ideas like “clothes”?

Og: No thanks.

Shaman: Why not? You can use it to see in the dark.

Crok: Too bright. It hurts my eyes and I can’t sleep when there’s light. And it’s really hot.

Shaman: But it will keep the saber-tooth tigers away.

Og: And let every other tribe know where we are? Big security issue. No way. Besides, the smoke makes my hair stink.

Crok: And it’s too hard to control. I heard a whole forest caught fire once. I don’t want to risk it.

Shaman: But you can cook food with it. It tastes great.

Og: I like my pterodactyl raw.

Crok: It takes too long and makes it all black and yukky.

Og: My mother never cooked her food and she did just fine. She lived to be 30!

Crok: someone in the next tribe over tried to touch fire and got hurt really badly. Big safety issue there. Why take the chance?

Og: And who has time to sit around waiting for lightning?

Shaman: That’s the cool part. If you take these two rocks and bang them together just right you can start a fire any time you want. On-demand, if you will.

Crok: Oh, so now I have to be a hunter, gatherer, and fire-starter too? You don’t pay me enough.

Why does it take us so long to adopt new tools?

You get the idea. Since Homo Erectus, tool adoption has come slowly, painfully, and imperfectly. But why?

People are often resistant to change. The key is to find out what the objection is. Sometimes the concerns are legitimate, such as network security or infrastructure. Maybe the tool won’t do some of the things they need it to do. Other times people don’t see the need for a change, or imagine the barriers to training, adopting, and making it part of their workflow will cause more inconvenience than it solves.

Understand that it isn’t “technophobia.” People don’t fear technology, for the most part. Our phone addiction is proof of that. What we are is exhausted, overworked, and cranky.

Cut them some slack and be prepared to help them through it. Help them understand the reason for the change, the benefits, and how it will make specific tasks easier. (If it doesn’t, ask why you’re making the change in the first place?) And be patient with Terry in Accounting. Even Crok and Og came around eventually.

And just because it’s a new tool doesn’t mean your team has to have it, especially if you’re not getting the most mileage out of the “old” tools you already have. Maybe they’re not obsolete after all. Find out if you’re maxing out the current communications technology you have with this free assessment.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Wayne Turmel
Co-Founder and Product Line Manager

Wayne Turmel is the co-founder and Product Line Manager for the Remote Leadership Institute. For twenty years he’s been obsessed with helping managers communicate more effectively with their teams, bosses and customers. Wayne is the author of several books that demystify communicating through technology including Meet Like You Mean It – a Leader’s Guide to Painless & Productive Virtual Meetings, 10 Steps to Successful Virtual Presentations and 6 Weeks to a Great Webinar. His work appears frequently in Management-Issues.com.

Wayne, along with Kevin Eikenberry, has co-authored the definitive book on leading remotely, The Long-Distance Leader: Rules for Remarkable Remote Leadership. Wayne and Kevin’s follow-up book, The Long-Distance Teammate, offers a roadmap for success not just for leaders, but for everyone making the transition to working remotely.

Communication & Interpersonal Skills, Leadership, Long-Distance Work, Personal & Professional Development

The Power of Trust

People trust leaders (in general and their own) or not. People trust their co-workers, or not. And we all know that when the trust level is higher, good things happen for everyone. Given all that, when you learn of a book titled The Power of Trust, you wonder if there is anything new, or is it just a book, stating the obvious. Trust me, this book is worth your time.

The full title of the book is The Power of Trust: How Companies Build it, Lose it and Regain it, coauthored by Sandra Sucher and Shalene Gupta. The subtitle gives you a better glimpse into where the book will take you as a reader. While the book is focused through the examples on the organizational trust idea, the core content applies to trust at all levels and is well worth reading. It defines trust, then focuses on the four elements of trust:

Competence
Motives
Means
Impact

Each element is described and explained with examples and interesting and relevant research to back of their work. In each element, the authors help you think about what you can do to build trust in that elemental area.

In order to harness the power of trust though, we also need to know what to do to recover when trust has been broken or breeched. Chapter six is a valuable look at regaining lost trust, both personally and organizationally.

If you are a leader, there is a specific chapter to help you understand the dynamics of power and trust in your role as well. Even if you would be tempted to skip straight to that chapter, take your time and soak in the wisdom and ideas in all of the previous chapters.

I recommend this book highly, and hope you find it as helpful and enlightening as I have. If so, your copy will be highlighted and dogeared like mine.

Don’t Want to Wait?

You can start benefiting from this book before your copy arrives on your doorstep. I had the great pleasure of talking about these ideas with Sandra Sucher, one of the c-authors recently on the Remarkable Leadership Podcast. You can listen (or watch from here) or find The Remarkable Leadership Podcast on your favorite podcast app or on Spotify.

Coaching & Developing Others, Communication & Interpersonal Skills

Set Expectations That Employees Fully Understand

“What do you expect?”

People say that all the time in an earnest or quizzical way, or sometimes with outright exasperation. However, more often than not, people simply think it without ever taking the extra step to clarify what is expected of them.

That leads to mistakes, conflict, shoddy work and productivity losses, because your employees and coworkers ask or think of asking that question when:

They really have no clue what is expected of them.
The task is new, and they don’t see the context of the request in the big picture of their work.
What they were told didn’t make sense or was shared in a one-way medium like an email or text message.
They were seemingly given autonomy to complete the task, but in the past they’ve been burned because they didn’t deliver what you wanted.
You don’t really know what your expectations are and you are taking an “I’ll know it when I see it” approach.

As you can see from that list, the question indicates that there is a serious gap in communication and understanding. You want people to say it out loud to you, rather than simply thinking it. The problem is a good bit of your employees aren’t asking you that question. Perhaps they worry about looking foolish. Or maybe you responded negatively to their inquiries in the past, and they want to avoid dealing with your anger.

If you want to improve both productivity and the quality of people’s work, you need to encourage people to ask the question. More important, however, is that you want to do everything you can to establish crystal clear expectations so that employees don’t have to ask the question. Here’s how you can do that.

Make it part of every conversation. To avoid even small gaps in expectations, make a conscious effort to talk about expectations regularly.
Be clear yourself. You can’t provide clear expectations if they aren’t clear to you. Understand exactly what you want the outcome to be for each request or assignment before you speak to employees.
Talk about the big picture. Put your request or task into context. Tell employees why each assignment or request matters and how it contributes to team and organizational goals. Once people see what the overall goal is, your request will be much clearer.
Share boundaries. Perhaps you have some parts of the task that you want done in a specific way, so provide specific instructions. However, if you care more about the result, and not how employees get there, let them know the budget, time parameters or whatever else matters in the situation, and explain where they have latitude and flexibility.
Confirm understanding. Always take the time to confirm with employees that they fully understand what you expect, the next steps to take, and what success will look like. Ask them to paraphrase back to you to confirm their understanding.
Provide the needed skills. Sometimes people aren’t able to meet expectations because they don’t have the necessary skills. When this is the case, provide them with the advice and skills needed so they can meet your expectations.

Finally, while this isn’t required, I highly recommend that you don’t be too rigid. You don’t want to tell people exactly what you want in such detail that they have no room for creativity, self expression, personal commitment or an opportunity to create something even better. Giving people some room to work within your expectations will garner you greater commitment and better results. Be willing to let employees go about a task in the best way they see fit, if their way works.

Communication & Interpersonal Skills

$28 Billion Says Remote Work Will Grow and Change

When trying to determine the future, you can read Tarot cards, look in a crystal ball, or follow the money being invested by people who can afford to make big bets. One of the biggest wagers recently (although it’s a pretty safe one) is that Salesforce is going to pay $27.7 Billion dollars to purchase Slack.

Forget about the number for a minute. It makes my head spin and I can’t even imagine how much money that is (but it has nine zeros, just in case you try. Doesn’t help, does it?) But why would a company whose bread and butter is customer relationship software want to head out and compete with Microsoft Teams and other such tools?

Just for transparency’s sake, we at Remote Leadership Institute use Slack. It works for us. Other tools work for other people. Given that the industry standard is 80% of people use only 20% of the features in most technology platforms, some people get great results with it. Others could get better returns writing on cave walls. This isn’t a judgment on whether your team should use a specific tool.

Whatever specific game plan Salesforce has, the investment itself says a lot about where work is headed in general.

Hybrid work will become the norm

While it often gets called a remote working tool, Slack really creates a place for people to collaborate, communicate, and share Simpsons GIFs regardless of physical location. When people work in the same cubicle farm, they can check whether someone’s at their desk, if they’re busy, or ask a quick question and get back to whatever task they’re working on. When we work remotely, it’s harder to do this quickly and easily.

By creating an easy way to sort communication into finer and finer slivers like specific customers or cross functional teams, and allowing for rich synchronous and asynchronous discussion, tools like Slack, Microsoft Teams and whatever pops up next will become much more critical. If people use it well, and that brings us to our next point.

Technology will continue to merge and consolidate

Leaving out the philosophical discussions around monopolies, the spirit of innovation, and the logic, or lack thereof, of venture capital, there’s a compelling reason technology platforms continue to absorb each other, merge, and expand like drunken amoebae.

On an organization level, it’s a nightmare when you have too many tools that don’t interact well together. It’s clumsy, hard to manage and maintain, and extremely expensive to have that many licenses from multiple vendors. At the beginning of the pandemic work-from-home cycle teams, companies and individuals grabbed whatever they could use to keep work flowing. This explains the “Zoom-boom,” since it was cheap or even free, and didn’t conflict with other tools. It didn’t work very well with them either, it just stood alone but was easy to use and got the job done. (By the way, Zoom will be at the heart of the next megadeal, and it’s going to make this deal look like me playing quarter slot machines).

But while having a lot of tools at their disposal helps get work done initially, it can also become a barrier to productivity. Which tools does a team use for instant messaging? What if one department is using Jabber and another has migrated to something else? The main selling point for Microsoft Teams, and the reason so many people have adopted it so quickly despite it still being a work-in-progress is people want one tool with one log-on, one password, and it plays well with the other tools they work with every day, especially Outlook.

As organizations begin to use CRMs as the backbone of their internal communication, it makes sense that tool would perform as many functions as possible. Add to this the ongoing culture war against email (such as Cal Newport’s A World Without Email) and people have to use something that’s fast, convenient, and allows for more message management than Outlook or Gmail.

Whether it’s the best available tool or not, convenience and simplicity are driving factors for many of us. Workers are seeking “one ring to rule them all,” just to make their work lives easier. Combining the power of a tool like Salesforce with the communication possibilities of Slack presents an option to Microsoft.

A company that big has to put its money somewhere, and it’s still cheaper than going into space.

I don’t know Marc Benioff, CEO of Salesforce, and don’t have an opinion of him other than he’s obviously driven, ambitious and way smarter than me. But I know two things: First, companies that size are driven by the need to grow, so this and other purchases are inevitable. Second, despite his wealth and power he hasn’t yet entered the Space-X, Blue Dragon, Virgin Galactic space race, and a man’s gotta do something, right?

Whatever the specific financial implications of this deal, it wouldn’t happen if the business world, and the way we are expected to work and navigate through it, wasn’t looking to hybrid workplaces and the need to integrate co-located and remote team members and eliminate the barrier of distance.

Remote work will continue to grow and change. Our position as leaders in this space means we have to stay on the leading edge of all the new developments. We want to invite you to join us there with our Future of Work newsletter.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Wayne Turmel
Co-Founder and Product Line Manager

Communication & Interpersonal Skills, Leadership, Long-Distance Work, Personal & Professional Development

Digital Body Language

As humans, we begin learning about the role physical body language plays in communication almost immediately. We learn the subtleties and nuances behind posture, facial expression, and vocal inflection – the things that enhance (or sometimes say more than) the words themselves. But as digital communications increased, more and more of these interpretation tools were lost, often resulting in troubling miscommunication. The pandemic and the shift to many people working from home didn’t create this problem – it only highlighted and exacerbated it. Now more than ever, we need to become conversant and proficient at digital body language.

That is my introduction to, and my version of the thesis for the excellent and timely book by Erica Dhawan, Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection No Matter the Distance.

How many of these situations can you relate to?

You sent an email that you wish you could take back.
An email you receive leaves you wondering what it really means.
You wonder how you come across on your Zoom meetings.
There is concern that your instant messages may be misinterpreted.
The value (and perception) of emojis gives you pause.
You wonder how to build trust in a working world that will continue to have a significant virtual component.

If any of these scenarios ring true for you, you are thinking about the role of digital body language, and this book is for you.

Speaking from Experience

As an author, speaker, trainer, coach, and practitioner of remote leadership, I know that virtual communication increases the likelihood of miscommunication. I also know that trust is more important than ever, and perhaps harder to build. Having taught about many of these struggles, I know how real and top-of-mind they are.

It is from this place of knowledge and experience that I recommend this new book. Erica addresses the questions you have, the challenges you have experienced, and even identifies challenges you may not have considered yet but will immediately recognize. She shares fabulous examples for us as both senders and receivers in the communication process and gives practical and concrete advice.

Summary

Some of her examples will make you laugh. Others might make you cry. Most all will make you nod your head in agreement. She addresses digital body language in all the digital communication mediums. Insights on everything from email to instant messages, to texts, to use of web cams (or not!) in virtual meetings.

When you apply the ideas in this book, you will become a better communicator, a more conscious and intentional communicator, a better teammate, and a more confident and effective leader.

I encourage you to read it and use the ideas shared – because your future success depends on it.

Communication & Interpersonal Skills, New & Frontline Leadership

Lessons From a Lifeguard: A Drowning Man Doesn’t Care About You

Communication, conflict resolution and leadership, at times, resemble working as a lifeguard. In all these situations, you can, like a lifeguard, be in the position of approaching someone else when they are under distress because their needs are not being met.

Picture a drowning man. He is flailing in the water. He is grasping at everything and everyone within reach. He has little or no visible concern for others. He may, at other times, be a kind, loving, considerate person. While he is in the process of drowning, he thrashes, lunges and swings his arms and legs wildly.

If you get in the way of a drowning man, you just might get hurt. He won’t necessarily hurt you because he is unkind, rude or inconsiderate. He might hurt you in his effort to get air.

What has all of that got to do with communication, conflict resolution and leadership? Well, everything.

Picture a person who really needs to feel some control over their choices and environment. If they don’t get this control, they will fight against the organization, people or person who they perceive is limiting their ability to control their own environment. In a different situation, they might be a really nice person. Catch them in the moment that they are fighting for their emotional needs, and they look just like a drowning man. They are fighting to get their needs met.

Emotional needs are no different from physical needs. They are needs. They are not wishes, wants or desires. They are needs. When they go unmet, people lash out.

Here’s a challenge: Not everyone has the same blend of emotional needs. Some people really need control, challenges and a feeling of being respected. Other people need fun, excitement and to feel liked. A significant portion of the population, though not all people, need to feel supported, encouraged and appreciated. Another segment of the population needs to understand the reason behind decisions, what data entered into the decision, and to be valued.

The person who needs respect may not totally understand the idea of appreciating someone. The person who needs to have fun may not understand the importance of verifiable facts. The person who needs support may not see the need to move quickly and to create a feeling of forward momentum. The person who needs to be valued may not understand the need to be liked. All of us have certain emotional needs. There are some commonalities between us, and their are some differences. Often, we just don’t “get” why someone else needs something that we don’t need.

When we fail to understand, validate, and, to the best of our abilities, meet the needs of other people, we can put them in the state of the drowning man. When we do that, they really don’t (or can’t?) care about us.

We can change this dynamic when we throw people a life preserver by working to understand and feed their needs. When we do that, we help them get to a place where they can also hear and understand us. We communicate, resolve conflict and lead more effectively when we meet needs rather than challenge them.

For more great leadership advice, check out my Talk Like a Leader Podcast, a weekly podcast that explores the mindset, skillset, and habit set of leadership communication. Using his tips, techniques, and tactics, you’ll be able to Talk Like a Leader to build better relationships and get more done.

Communication & Interpersonal Skills, Personal & Professional Development

A Common Way to Create Confusion

The world is a complex place, with plenty of chances for confusion in thought, communication, and decision-making. As leaders, we have a responsibility for clear thinking, clear communication, and effective decision-making. Confusion is the enemy of each of these things, and there is one common problem that can impede us in all of those pursuits – conflation. Let’s talk about what that is and how we can avoid it in our thinking and communication.

The original use of the word conflate wouldn’t have caused much confusion – it meaning was to bring together or fuse, but that was in the 17^th century. But in more recent years, starting in the 1970’s a new meaning began to emerge that to conflate meant more like to equate. In other words, conflation means more like thinking about, treating and regarding two things as essentially equal. If Todd equates toads with frogs he thinks that toads and frogs are basically – or maybe exactly the same.

But what if Todd conflates toads and frogs? With the new and now more common use of the word Todd confuses them; he knows they are different but may accidently label them incorrectly if he sees them.

Unfortunately, we do this in far more than biological situations. Here are two situations I see playing out regularly, that I hope my caution will help you overcome.

Conflation of Tools and Life

To make our thinking simpler, we take complex situations and look to simplify them with models and other ways to categorize them. We then use these models to help us understand situations and make decisions. If we are not careful though, we move from use of the models to conflation of the model and real life.

Joan looks at Google maps, and it doesn’t match up with that her eyes see when she looks up from the screen. If she conflates the two, she may be confused when they don’t match. She is forgetting to view the screen as a tool, and not reality itself.

Susan uses a coaching model and forces her coaching situation into the model, conflating it with real life, rather than using it as a tool to help her succeed as a coach in that moment.

With conflation then these tools can move from being helpful to confusing, to perhaps even harmful.

Conflation of Ideas

Metaphor and similes are powerful tool for problem solving, creativity and communication, but when we move from using the two separate things to help us understand components of one or the other of the items to conflating them as the same, we can create confusion at best and deception (intended or not) at worst. When we use similes, we compare two things to create a comparison: He is as strong as an ox. A related metaphor would be: he is an ox. In this case, it would be hard to conflate the man and the ox, but when we think metaphorically, and compare ideas, they can become conflated in thought. Once we become internally confused, we are more likely to (unknowingly) miscommunicate. The worst case is for us to misguide others through our conflation of ideas – whether unintentionally or perhaps intentionally with ill-persuasive intent.

Fusing or blending things together is a powerful idea. The conflation of milk and ice cream makes a delicious milk shake. But to confuse the milk with the ice cream could be messy – just like our thought and communication might become if we aren’t careful. Inappropriate conflation can create miscommunication and lead to bad decisions. Conflated decisions about other people and their intentions or even situations facing the team can lead us to pursue ineffective decisions.

….

Clear thinking and communication is just one skill needed for you to lead other to and through change successfully. Would you like to better understand change for yourself, for others, and see how that understanding will help you lead more successfully? Would you like to be more intentional, skilled, and confident in leading change? If so, you can get immediate, lifetime access to our Remarkable Change Leadership: Leading Change Effectively Master Class. This solution will help you understand what it means to lead change, the factors everyone uses to consider any change, how you can create change today, and a foundation for leading other change in the future. Leading change is a foundational skill for effective leaders. Do you have it in your toolkit?

Communication & Interpersonal Skills, New & Frontline Leadership

Respond Assertively, Not Aggressively

The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others. – Sharon Anthony Bower

No matter how great a manager you are, bad things will happen at work. Not every day, but occasionally. It’s how you handle those incidents—the ones that fill you with frustration, anger and dread—that determine what kind of leader you are.

If you respond to those occasions aggressively (outwardly or passively), you’ll undermine your team, spread fear and start the rumor mill. If, on the other hand, you respond assertively, you’ll keep your team on track when things go wrong, and you’ll gain their confidence and admiration. Which do you choose?

Scenario 1:

You’re explaining an organization wide initiative in a meeting with your staff. It’s a big shift, and many of your employees are unhappy with the change. You’re mid-sentence, discussing the rationale and objectives when Justin interrupts you, saying “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Management is going to run this place into the ground. Pretty soon we’re all going to be looking for new jobs!”

How do you respond?

Aggressive response: “No, Justin. With that attitude, you’re the only one who’s going to be looking for a job. I’m sick of your attitude. If you cut me off one more time …”

Passive-aggressive response: “Somebody’s a little paranoid.”

Assertive response: “Just a minute, Justin. I understand your concerns, and I’ll get to those, but first I’m going to finish explaining the plan. When I’m done, we can discuss any specific concerns I don’t address.”

Scenario 2:

You and your team have been working long and hard on a particularly ambitious project. It’s a reach, but if you succeed, you’ll grow your organization and earn a great deal of respect from your superiors. With only a few days to go, it comes to your attention that the person to whom you delegated one component misread a form and as a result, set an incorrect “due date.” Now, for the project even to be considered, your team must submit it by tomorrow. What before seemed ambitious now seems impossible.

How to you respond?

Aggressive response: In front of the whole team, you explode “Helen, in my office now! Your incompetence may just have cost us the biggest payoff we’ve ever gone after!”

Passive-aggressive response: Without explaining the actual issue, you say to a few members of your team in the break room “Sorry all your hard word was for nothing. Unfortunately, somebody never learned how to use a calendar …”

Assertive response: You meet privately with Helen, and then address your team, saying “I know you’re frustrated. I’m frustrated. It’s a frustrating situation. It’s not, however, an insurmountable situation. If we all buckle down today and reprioritize a bit, we can still make this happen.”

Neither assertive nor aggressive people ignore problems. Employees don’t think of either as “pushovers” or “weak.” However, the assertive boss earns his or her employees’ respect and trust, whereas the aggressive boss forfeits them. Assertive bosses become angry and frustrated—and even scared—but unlike aggressive bosses, they know how to calm themselves and bring their emotions in check so they can respond rationally and intelligently.

Are you prepared to lead a hybrid workforce? Join our free June 24 webinar, ” Leading in a Post-Pandemic World,” to learn new skills that will be critical to your success. Register now.

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