Your First Step for Dealing with Frustrating Employee Behaviors

Do any of your team members have frustrating and annoying behaviors? Do they do things (or not do things) that really get under your skin?

If they do, you are not alone. One of the most common questions we get in our Bud to Boss workshops is related to handling frustrating and annoying employee behaviors. People ask the question in many different ways. Here are some of the ways I have heard the question phrased…

• A member of my team is a know-it-all, how do I handle that?
• One person in my department refuses to take input from others, what should I do?
• One of the people who works for me is older and likes to do things their way. How do I change that?
• I have a person who overthinks many of her tasks, and when I ask her to do things differently, she shuts down and becomes visibly frustrated. What should I do?
• I have a team member who is unorganized, not open to change and extremely critical of everything I do. What should I do?
• How do I get an employee to listen to me – or further more respect me?
• And, many more questions voicing similar frustrations.

Each of the questions is a valid concern. Each of them presents a real struggle and frustration for the leader. And, all of them have the wrong focus.

The challenge in each of the concerns is that they fail the test of being an objective, observable behavior that creates a business problem. They are, instead, phrased as interpretations that may or may not be true or as personal frustrations for the leader.

Here are some questions to consider for the concerns expressed above…

• What, exactly, is a know-it-all? How do you know that they think they know-it-all? And, if they do think that, what problem does that create? Why do you care?
• How do you know that someone refuses to take input from others? Are they refusing to take the input or are they simply disagreeing with the input? Maybe they have a valid reason to disagree.
• When you say that someone likes to do things their way, what, exactly, is the concern? Don’t most people like to do things their way? If they get the results you need and there is no real reason to mandate a particular approach to getting them, why do you care?
• When you ask how to get someone to listen to you, doesn’t that presuppose that you know that they are not listening to you? How do you know that they are not listening? Maybe they are listening, and they simply disagree with what you are saying.

From a leadership perspective, it’s important to learn two important things…

1. How to differentiate between your interpretations of other people’s behaviors and their intent for behaving a particular way, and
2. How to distinguish between a personal frustration and a business problem.

A personal frustration is real. It can negatively affect the dynamics of your relationship. It can interfere with clear communication. A frustration is a legitimate issue to learn how to address. Just remember this key point as you learn to address it…

A personal frustration for the leader is not necessarily a business problem.

In order to successfully address frustrating behaviors, you need to first identify which piece of the frustration is based on your personal preference and interpretations and which piece is legitimately harming your business. After you have made that determination, you can decide if you should address the situation, and how to address it if you decide that it needs to be addressed.