Guest article by Alan Heymann, JD, PCC
I’ve often said I feel successful when clients report a new understanding of something they already knew about themselves. The coach’s job is not to diagnose, confer wisdom or opinions from on high, but to call up the best from within the client. One of the best ways to do this is to cast their stories, obstacles and situations in a different light by looking at them differently. We help our clients unpack and see through their own stories, achieving more success as a result.
“Have you considered…?”
“What would happen if…?”
“Is it possible… instead?”
The frame of a story matters. Coaches often help clients reframe their thoughts around a universal or familiar story. And analogies are a simple way to weave that story together.
What’s an analogy? It’s a story that includes a comparison to make a point. Analogies are similar to similes and metaphors, but they don’t just explain. They illustrate.
Why use them in your leadership? I’ve identified two main reasons.
Analogies are simple.
In our ever-complex world, we coaches tend to reach for intricate frameworks to apply to what our clients are facing. These models belong in the toolbox, but they’re not the only tools we have. Coaching can also be about toothpaste, transportation and topiary! Analogies help us meet clients where they are.
Analogies are everywhere.
Provided two people were raised in the same language, they’re almost certain to have analogies to share. For example, I have yet to meet a leader who can’t apply “secure your own mask before helping others” in the work of building and nurturing a team, especially after making our way through most of a pandemic.
I spent much of 2021 collecting analogies in my coaching practice, either from my own mind or from the minds of clients. Here’s the one that became the title of my book.
Don’t just have the soup.
A nonprofit leader had a direct report who wasn’t following her instructions. She couldn’t figure this out — was it stubbornness, incompetence, something entirely different? During our coaching session, I was able to help her crack the code. She wasn’t expressing herself clearly or forcefully enough to be heard, or perhaps to be taken seriously. Being more direct made her uncomfortable, and correcting the mistake or misperception after the fact made her more uncomfortable.
I asked my client to imagine having a nice dinner out, and making her choice of a complement to the main dish. Let’s say it’s a hot day and you order a salad, I suggested. A few minutes later, the server comes back from the kitchen with a bowl of piping hot minestrone and offers to grind some fresh pepper on it for you.
Do you remind the server that you asked for a salad? Or, do you think to yourself, “It’s fine. Someone took the trouble to make this soup and pour me a bowl. I don’t want to waste it. It’s not that important. I’ll just have the soup.”
My client smiled. “I would totally do that,” she said. “And I hate soup!”
When you’re the leader, you must express your preferences for others to follow. If you don’t, nobody on your team will have a sense of direction or know how they can grow in their roles. So, how to ease into this after a lifetime of backing away from what might seem like a conflict?
A good server will often replay everyone’s order before leaving the table to eliminate any ambiguity and make mistakes less likely. I asked my client what might happen if she suggested her employee read back their understanding of the request before an interaction is over.
The client said this readout would probably help make her instructions more clear. She also pledged to build a practice of reiterating and reminding… instead of just living with the soup.
Coaching prompts:
- Are you making requests, or giving directions, clearly?
- What do you do if you get something that doesn’t meet your standards?
If you’re interested in assembling your own stack of leadership analogies, your personal history and your staff’s imaginations can be great sources of inspiration. Remember to keep it simple, especially if you’re leading across cultures, languages or generations. And enjoy the journey!
Alan Heymann, JD, PCC is the author of Don’t Just Have the Soup: 52 Analogies for Leadership, Coaching and Life, from which some of this article is adapted. His coaching practice is called Peaceful Direction.
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