The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines communication as: “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.”
The word that strikes me in that definition is “exchange.” That means that communication is more than just delivering information, it is exchanging it.
And too much of the time, we believe that we have communicated clearly when information is delivered – when we said the thing that was on our mind or when we sent the email, text, or chat message.
It is true that sending an email or saying what’s on your mind does communicate a message, the potential problem is that you might not have communicated what you intended to communicate.
My friend and colleague, JJ Brun, often says “you can’t not communicate.” By that, he means that everything we say and do communicates something, and I agree with him. It is true that everything we say and do communicates something. The challenge for leaders – people who want to be clear communicators – is that some thing might not be the thing you intended to communicate.
The opposite of this is also true. When you read an email or hear the words of another person, you definitely understand something. It’s possible, though, that you do not understand what they mean for you to understand. Maybe you got the wrong message.
The best way I have found to correct this communication problem is to first recognize our tendency to assume that we have made our message clear or that we understood exactly what the other person meant and then to add a feedback loop to confirm mutual understanding.
Here are some examples of feedback loop questions to help with spoken communication situations.
To make sure you understood the other person:
- “I understood you to mean ____. Is that correct?”
- “Here’s what I heard. (What you heard) Did I hear that correctly?”
And, to make sure you communicated clearly:
- “Sometimes I get ahead of myself when I get excited about an idea. Could you tell me what you heard me say so that we can make sure we are on the same page?”
- “This idea is important to me/for our business/for project completion/for our team, and I’d like to make sure I was clear in the way I said it. Could you tell me what you heard me say so that I can clarify anything I said that was unclear?”
With email, text, and chat, creating a feedback loop can be a bit more challenging. Often, the best you can do is to make sure that the message arrived and was read by the other person or to confirm for the other person that you received their message.
One tendency to overcome with written communication is to assume that the other person got your message just because you sent it. There are so many ways that a sent message could either get blocked, rerouted, or not seen by the other person, confirming receipt is a great step to add to any critical written communications. If you’re on the receiving end, make sure you acknowledge receipt. If you’re on the sending end, consider alternate channels (like a phone call, a separate electronic channel, etc.) to let the other person know that you sent the message and that they should be looking for it.
In all cases, remember to never assume that you have communicated your message or understood theirs. Add a feedback or confirmation loop to your communication processes.
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