It’s almost college basketball season. I sometimes watch more college basketball than I need to. I don’t set a goal to do it. I never decided it would be a good habit to build. It just happens every year.
Why? Because I went to Purdue. It's part of who I am; Boilermakers watch basketball.
That's a mostly harmless (and fun) habit. But it points to something important for you as a leader. Many of our habits don't start with a decision. They start with who we believe we are.
Where Do Habits Come From?
When we want to change a habit, we usually go to work on the behavior. We plan, set a reminder, build a better routine, and grit our teeth for a while. Sometimes that works, but often it doesn't last.
In Flexible Leadership, I shared the three layers of behavior change James Clear describes in Atomic Habits: outcomes, process, and identity. Most of us work on the first two. The third is where habits stick – or don't. In Flexible Leadership, I wrote: "While habits help us change behavior, if the behavior is a mismatch with our beliefs, we may never be fully successful."
In other words, when a new habit doesn't fit who you believe you are, your identity will usually win.
And the reverse is true too. When a habit fits who you are, you need far less willpower. You're simply being who you are.
How Identity Can Work Against You
The person who says "I'm an engineer" often decides, without ever thinking about it, that the facts matter above all else. That belief shapes hundreds of decisions a day, whether the situation calls for pure logic or not. Nobody set that as a goal. The identity did the work. Identity doesn't care whether a habit helps you. It keeps good habits alive, and it keeps unhelpful ones running just as faithfully. Here's how that can look for leaders:
- If you see yourself as a servant leader, you'll look for ways to serve – even when your team needs you to set the direction.
- If you see yourself as a democratic leader, you'll ask for input – even when your team needs you to decide.
- If you see yourself as a coaching leader, you'll turn every question into a coaching opportunity – even when someone simply needs an answer.
Do any of that sound like you?
There’s nothing wrong with any of those styles, but when you translate them into your identity, you create a box that is hard to step out of. The more closely you associate with that style as a part of who you are, the more you resist changing it.
The Box and the Rock
A box is a label you've turned into a definition of who you are: your style, your assessment results, your strengths, your job title, your past. These are useful for understanding yourself. But they're dangerous as definitions, because a box limits which habits you'll let yourself build. You are more than a style, a strength, or a type.
But part of your identity is also a rock: your purpose, your principles, and your values. They don't need to flex when the situation changes. That's why they make a far better foundation for your habits.
The difference shows up in how you describe yourself. "I'm a servant leader" puts you in a box. "I'm here to help my team reach outcomes that matter." Some days that means serving, and some days it means setting the direction. The first statement predetermines your actions, the second defines your purpose and lets your behavior fit what the moment needs.
Here's a personal example. I’ve written our weekly newsletter for over 1,100 consecutive weeks. That habit didn't last all those years because I forced myself to do it. It lasted because, most weeks, I see it as an important part of who I am and a connection between my work and my purpose. The weeks when it is hard or I don’t feel like writing is when my identity keeps the habit going.
Four Ways to Build Habits From Your Identity
If you have habits you’d like to begin, or adjust, your identity is a good place to start. Here are four actions you can take:
Audit your "I am" statements.
Write down how you describe yourself as a leader. Which of those statements are boxes? Which are rocks? Rewrite each box statement so it starts from a rock: your purpose, principles, or values.
Write a "to be" list.
You probably have a to-do list. What do you want to be as a leader? Have you ever written it down?
Connect one habit to the rock.
Pick one habit you want to build and tie it to your purpose or values, not your style. Then ask yourself: what would someone who holds these values do next?
Collect the evidence.
Start small and show yourself you can. And remember the habits you have already changed. I bit my nails as a kid and as a young adult. I haven't for many years. Each small repetition is evidence you are that kind of leader. What habit have you already changed?[KE1.1]
Will Durant wrote, summarizing Aristotle, "We are what we repeatedly do." That's true. It's also true that we repeatedly do what we believe we are.
What "I am" statement is writing your habits right now? Is it a box, or a rock?
If you want help finding your rock and turning new skills into lasting habits, my book, Flexible Leadership: Navigate Uncertainty and Lead with Confidence, can help.
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