While I have both heard and said the basic idea behind the title of this post in the past, I cannot take credit for the exact phrasing. It came to me in an email from a customer. The phrase is so good that it basically conveys the full idea of this post in a single statement: work the problem, don’t let the problem work you.
The specific problem facing our customer was logging in to one of our websites when the firewall on her system was blocking her. It started as a request for help when the login information we sent did not work. We found that the source of the problem was her firewall, and she found a way around it. In the end, she only needed our help to figure out that the source of the problem was something she could correct on her own. Once she realized that, she changed her approach, solved the problem, and shared the statement that is the title of the post in her email back to me.
The phrasing resonated with me because it is an approach that is easy to forget.
In the middle of a problem, it is easy – maybe even tempting – to focus on the frustration and anger you feel because of the problem rather than on finding a solution to the problem. It is easy to get irritated with people who are trying to help you, to lash out at people who happen to be near you, or to look for someone to blame rather than on actually solving the problem. It might even feel good to vent your frustration with or direct it at the people around you.
Is it tempting to get frustrated with the other people involved? Often yes. Can it feel good or cathartic in the moment? Again, yes. Is it helpful? No.
In the middle of frustration or anger, it is easy to get overwhelmed with a fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight response is incredibly strong and nearly automatic. It is not rational. It is entirely emotional. Does it help when confronted with an animal that is trying to hurt you? Since it primes your body for quick and strong action, it likely helps in that situation. Does it help you creatively solve a business problem? Since it shuts down the logical part of your brain, not so much.
In problem situations that trigger the fight-or-flight response and overwhelm us with emotional rather than logical responses, we need a way out. We need a way to navigate back to a place where we can engage our creative, problem-solving brain. In those moments, I find it helpful to ask myself these two questions:
- What can I do to make this situation better?
- What solution is good enough to move us forward?
I like to keep the list of questions short because I probably will not remember more than two questions when I’m angry, frustrated, or otherwise stressed. The point of the two questions is this: bringing my focus back to the things I can control and finding a way to make progress.
The two questions do not necessarily eliminate my stress and frustration. They do not magically fix the issue I’m facing. They do refocus my thinking so that I can take steps to solve the problem.
In the heat of the battle when a problem creates distracting stress and frustration for you, remember:
Work the problem, don’t let the problem work you.
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