In one sense, explanations and excuses seem like the same thing. They are both ways to address questions or concerns about actions and outcomes. They are used to create understanding about why something happened. So, what’s the difference and why does it matter?
The Difference
The key difference lies in the intent and the acceptance of responsibility. We explain to clarify and inform. In sharing those facts, the explainer describes or recognizes their role in the outcome. We make excuses to deflect blame or reduce personal fault. Excuses generally are meant to help others see us as less responsible or not responsible for the outcomes.
Typically, excuses and explanations are thought of as things we communicate to others. But the difference matters to our internal conversations, too.
An Example
Let’s use the classic situation that we have all heard about (though I often wonder if anyone has truly had this happen).
Teacher: “Why didn’t you turn in your homework?”
Student: “I did it, but my dog ate it.”
Taken as an excuse it sounds like: “There is nothing I could do; I mean the dog ate it.”
As an explanation, it sounds different: “My dog did eat my homework. I guess I shouldn’t have left it on the couch.”
Assuming the student has a dog that likes the taste of paper, the fact is the homework is in the stomach of the dog. The difference is in the intent and mindset of the student.
For Ourselves
When we give ourselves excuses, we must be careful. The excuse resolves us of personal responsibility. If we blame the economy, the traffic, the Customer, the IT department for the outcome, we learn nothing and change nothing. The mindset is “There is nothing I can do.” Justifying or rationalizing our actions removes our sense of and need for personal responsibility.
But even when we don’t have control of certain situations (of the dog, the traffic, or the technology choices), we could have influence. With an explanation mindset rather than blame and deny, we learn and consider our role in the situation.
- I could have picked up the paper. If I had, the dog likely wouldn’t have gotten to it. Next time, I will do something different.
- I could have left earlier to account for the possible traffic issues. If I had, I likely would have been on time. Next time, I will leave earlier.
- I could have talked to IT about our concerns. It might not have changed their decision, but they can’t consider our position if they are unaware of it. Next time, I will share my concerns and feedback.
Do you give yourself excuses or explanations?
To Others
As a receiver, would you rather someone make excuses or explain the situation? In nearly every case, I would rather hear an explanation of the facts than hear excuses.
Which do others hear from you?
It is possible people will hear an excuse when you are genuinely explaining the situation. But that is far more likely if you are making excuses to yourself first.
If you want to be a clearer communicator, if you want to build trust and relationships, check your intention. Remember, people will be more skeptical and less accepting when they see you as making excuses.
So, drop the justifications and rationalizations and move out of the blame game. Report the facts and share what you wish you had done differently or will do differently next time. Stop excusing yourself and start growing – both your results and your relationships.
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