I just searched the phrase work-life balance in Google. The first thing I see is About 3,210,000,000 results. A search of our blog shows we’ve written about or mentioned it 159 times. In both of those searches, you will find plenty of lists and advice. And I get it. Thinking about how the two most prevalent parts of our lives can work together is important. But we need to stop talking about and thinking about work-life balance. What do I mean?

Balance is the Wrong Metaphor

The search for answers in how we create a life that works best for us is both understandable and valid. Figuring out the role of our work as a part of the rest of our life is important. But when we frame it as an issue of balance, we end up with two unintended consequences.

  • We assume there is a perfect balancing point – which there isn’t. In a world that is anything but static, that isn’t reality. Look at the scale image above. You can achieve that perfect balance for a snapshot. In that moment, there isn’t anything on the scale, the breeze isn’t blowing, and the world isn’t changing. But that isn’t what our work and lives look like. Too many are striving for this perfect balance that either doesn’t exist or always needs to be changing.
  • Balance implies things are competing. When you put work and life on different scales, you are literally weighing them against each other. That feeling of being in competition and therefore requiring balance is part of the problem, not the solution.

What Instead?

I propose that the metaphor we need isn’t the balance measured by a scale. Instead, think the integration of cooking a delicious stew. Each of the ingredients retains their flavor and role in the final product. Yet when they simmer together, incorporating both process elements of slow cooking and low heat, they enhance each other. The stew is better, more enjoyable, and healthier than if each spice, vegetable, and piece of meat was eaten separately.

Which is your life more like, a pot of stew or a balanced scale? Would you benefit more by pitting the major parts against each other, or by connecting them together?

What Does This Mean for Leaders? 

The leaders’ stew is likely more complex, with even more ingredients and flavors than that of an individual contributor. To be personally effective in a leadership role, we need to think about this complexity. When we stop thinking about finding the perfect balance, we are taking the first step. For instance, your stew and mine don’t have to be the same - there is no “perfect” stew recipe.

But as leaders, we also set the tone and example for our teams. We need to help them think about integrating the work and non-work elements of their lives together, not balancing them. This mindset shift is the beginning of a ripple effect of benefits. Starting this “integration instead of balance” conversation can improve your relationships on the team. Improved relationships build stronger and more mentally healthy team members, along with the improved outlook of an updated metaphor. Strong, satisfied team members produce better results, which also increases job satisfaction. High job satisfaction is directly related to employee retention. See what I mean about ripples?

The pull and prevalence of the work-life balance metaphor is strong. Hence why spending some time thinking about your life as a stew can be so powerful. Think about integrating your work with the rest of your life the way a good stew is simmered. See if that isn’t a better metaphor than competitively but rarely balanced scales, bringing flavor, enjoyment, and better health.

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Kevin Eikenberry is a recognized world expert on leadership development and learning and is the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group. He has spent over 30 years helping organizations across North America, and leaders from around the world, on leadership, learning, teams and teamwork, communication and more.

Twice he has been named by Inc.com as one of the Top 100 Leadership and Management Experts in the World and 100 Great Leadership Speakers for Your Next Conference. The American Management Association named him a “Leaders to Watch” and he has been twice named as one of the World's Top 30 Leadership Professionals by Global Gurus. Top Sales World has named him a Top Sales & Marketing Influencer several times, and his blog has been named on many “best of” lists. LeadersHum has named him one of the 200 Biggest Voices in Leadership in 2023.

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