Each week I write and send something called Powerquotes Plus– a free email that shares a quotation, questions to ponder and action steps. I include quotations that will challenge and inspire readers. the other criteria I have adopted over time is to only include quotations from people who people can learn more about if they choose.
Once in awhile I find a quotation I love, but that I can’t learn much (or anything) about the author. Such is the case witht he quotation I discovered today.
“Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.”
–David Oxberg
I don’t know who David Oxberg is (if you do, let me know more in the comments!) but I love this idea.
Most people are truly listened to so infrequently, that it is easy to equate listening with love. To fully listen is truly an act of love.
Of course to be a remarkable leader requires we be willing to and practice deep, authentic listening. Let me take a shot at describing these relationships mathematically.
Listening = Love
Listening = Leadership
Therefore, mathematically
Leadership = Love.
Maybe the relationships aren’t quite as direct or complete as this, but I think the connection is closer to truth than fiction.
How do you feel when people truly listen to you? Do you feel a sense of love? (so do others). When people are truly listening to you, are you attracted to them, and more likely willing to follow them? (that’s leadership).
If you aren’t sure of my “new math,” try this experiment.
Decide to truly and deeply listen to three people today. Do it authentically and completely. Then notice the reactions, responses and feelings of the other people, and of yourself.
I think you will find a deep connection between these three words. Your comments here will be valued by me and everyone else who reads this post.
Thanks Kevin. Very insightful. Not what I thought is was going to be.
Years ago, I remember hearing Dr Peale talk about 3 L’s – Lack, Loss and Limitations. His point was that you have to remove them from your thinking to grow a successful business, in other words An Abundance Mentality!
It is great now to add another three L words that have greater meaning.
Thank you.
I remember Dr. Peale’s three words too – but I didn’t recall them until you mentioned it. Thanks for the reminder – and the comments!
K 🙂
Great words Kevin. I always tell my students that listening is a leader’s greatest communication skill.
Thanks for the reminder that listening is such an awesome love language!!!
Kevin, a wonderful blog. However, the quote is from Dr. David Augsberger, an author and Mennonite minister. A man of wisdom.
Thanks for that info… can you point me to the quote by him? Then I’ll update the post. 🙂
K 🙂
I don’t know whether you ever got a reply to your query. I’m trying also to find the source, and I think it’s here:
http://fuller.edu/faculty/daugsburger/
I am writing to confirm and will let you know.
Thanks Aaron!
Ausberger… Oxberg… methinks we might be talking about the same person. But I am curious as to whether this attribution has been verified. I heard a similar quote in a sermon recently and it struck me enough to want to find the source.
Sylvia – I don’t have a verification.
This might help – note the second review. I don’t have this book to verify, however. https://www.amazon.com/Caring-Enough-Hear-Heard-Communication/dp/0830708367
You are a sleuth! I have ordered a copy and hopefully we can put this to rest. 🙂
Kevin, Remarkable, as always! I love the focus. There really is nothing like knowing that people and more importantly, the important people in your life are listening to you. We tell our children, “words have meaning”, yet we all spend so much of our time only really half listening to the people around us.
Leadership is nurturing, so it’s not so far to Leadership=Love.
Lovely blog, Kevin. Gives us good food for thought as we go into the weekend — reflect, practice, observe. I heard somewhere from someone at some point that there’s actually a positive chemical reaction that our body goes through when we truly know that someone is authentically listening to us. The connection that is felt equates with the love of which you speak. A deepness in the eyes, a calm and silent intentionality of truly listening. Not sure if that’s what the author of your quote was pointing towards; when I’ve experienced that depth of listening it’s a connection difficult to describe. Just like true love is difficult to describe. Thank you for you posting this morning!
Great post Kevin. I’ve found that listening is one of the most valuable, and frequently overlooked, leadership tools. Those leaders who do listen find that they connect with people on a much deeper level and build stronger, more honoring relationships.
I suspect this is a variation of David Augsberger's name and quote.
“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”
― David W. Augsburger, Caring Enough to Hear and Be Heard: How to Hear and How to Be Heard in Equal Communication
I would be surprised if two people with such similar names had such a similar quote.
It's an important point and I appreciate you amplifying it.