Most people have been building relationships their whole lives. Yet, through nearly all of human history, that has been done face to face. Until the last few hundred years, we never even met (let alone had relationships with) people that lived very far from us. And until the phone, then email, and now all the communication technologies that exist, we couldn’t easily or effectively build relationships at a distance.
But now, building working relationships at a distance is not only necessary, it is expected and required.
That’s an important recognition – we now need to do something that for most of human history we couldn’t do (or even imagine). Given this new reality, we can learn from what we already know about building relationships and add in the distance and work components. Here are some suggestions for you.
Remember the Building Blocks
Relationships (at work or otherwise) build with the amounts of interaction and relatedness we have with others. Stated simply, the more we interact with others, and the more areas of connection, mutual interests and understanding of each other we have, the more likely our relationship will grow and strengthen. At the core, finding ways to increase interaction and find relatedness are the keys to building working relationships.
Be Interested
Dale Carnegie encouragingly wrote that we should focus more on being interested than being interesting. When we are genuinely interested in others, we will have richer interactions and learn more about the connections and mutual interests we share. Even if we don’t share an interest with someone, knowing theirs, and asking them about it genuinely and regularly build relatedness.
Put Relationships on the Calendar
This means that it is not only ok, but necessary, to schedule time to interact with, catch up with, and even laugh with your teammates. If building working relationships is part of work success (for us individually and for the team), it is part of the work. When we don’t pass each other in the hall, can’t invite someone to lunch or for a cup of coffee, we have to put those times for connection and communication on the calendar.
Create Opportunities
We never think about this if we see people every day. But when we rarely or never see them, we need to look for opportunities to interact. Hop on the team meeting early to chat with those who are also there (like you would in the conference room). Celebrate little things with instant messages or texts. Actively look for chances, even small ones, to connect and let others know you care about the relationship.
Listen More
Want a single thing you can do to build both the quality of interactions and amount of relatedness? Listen more. We all know that the best listeners are good relationship builders. Make sure you are one of them. When you are communicating at a distance, you can (even more easily) get distracted. Create a distraction-free way to listen to others. And while we can “listen” in a text-based asynchronous conversation, the best listening happens in real time. Tun on your webcams or pick up the phone. These richer conversations mean even more when we can’t see each other nose to nose, toe to toe.
And When You Are Together…
Make the relationships an even more important part. If you are fortunate enough to work together occasionally, use the in-person time to your advantage. And if you only meet on special work occasions, make relationship building the most important part of your “agenda.”
This is a short list that can get you started – but this list can also take you a long way in building working relationships that make work easier, more productive and more fun.
If you are nodding your head and doing all these things, great. But before you get too self-satisfied, check your long-distance working relationships. Are they as strong as you would like or need them to be? If so, continue patting yourself on the back. But if not, go back through this list and reflect on what you could do more of, or do more effectively, to help you build your working relationships.
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