How patient are you with others?

It’s a simple question—but not always a simple answer. If you’re like me, you might say, “It depends.” Sometimes I’m calm, collected, and patient. Other times? Not so much. And if we’re being honest, we can all look back at moments when we think, “I could have… should have… been more patient.”

But for leaders, this question carries even more weight. Patience isn’t just about staying calm—it directly affects how we lead and the relationships we build.

Why Patience Matters in Leadership

Patience isn’t just a virtue—it’s a leadership skill. Here’s how your patience (or lack of it) plays out in your leadership effectiveness:

1. Trust

When people sense that you’re impatient with them, trust can erode. They may feel less comfortable bringing you ideas, concerns, or updates. That subtle tension weakens your leadership presence.

2. Engagement

Impatience can make team members feel rushed, unvalued, or ignored—none of which contribute to engagement. On the other hand, patience helps people feel heard and supported, encouraging a more motivated team.

3. Coaching Success

Let’s face it: no one wants to be coached by someone who loses their cool at every hiccup. Your ability to be patient—while still challenging your team—is key to helping others grow.

So, What Triggers Your Impatience?

To grow in this area, you need to understand your own triggers. Often, impatience has nothing to do with the other person—it starts with us.

Here are three common culprits:

  • Stress
    When you're under pressure, it's easier to snap or rush others. Recognizing that your stress level is influencing your patience gives you a chance to adjust.
  • A Sense of Urgency
    When we feel time-crunched or have an urgent need, our pace speeds up—sometimes leaving others in the dust. That urgency can turn into frustration if others don’t keep up.
  • Mood
    If you’re already in a bad mood—maybe tired, irritated, or distracted—it’s a lot harder to offer grace and space to others.

What’s interesting about all of these triggers? They’re internal. They have more to do with you than with the people around you.

How to Respond More Patiently

If we want to be more patient with others, we first need to manage ourselves. Here are three quick strategies that help:

  1. Notice Your Triggers
    Become aware of what sets you off. Is it a time crunch? A certain type of question? A specific individual? Awareness is the first step toward change.
  2. Take a Deep Breath
    Literally. Taking a breath slows your reaction and gives you just enough space to choose your response instead of reacting automatically.
  3. Consider the Big Picture
    In the moment, it’s easy to focus on what’s right in front of you. But ask yourself: Is this really a big deal? Will it matter tomorrow? Next week? Zooming out helps put things in perspective.

Sometimes, impatience can create urgency. That’s not always bad. But if it damages relationships, erodes trust, or discourages someone you’re leading… was it worth it?

Take the time to slow down and extend a little more grace. You may be surprised how much it improves your leadership impact.

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Kevin Eikenberry is a recognized world expert on leadership development and learning and is the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group. He has spent over 30 years helping organizations across North America, and leaders from around the world, on leadership, learning, teams and teamwork, communication and more.

Twice he has been named by Inc.com as one of the Top 100 Leadership and Management Experts in the World and 100 Great Leadership Speakers for Your Next Conference. The American Management Association named him a “Leaders to Watch” and he has been twice named as one of the World's Top 30 Leadership Professionals by Global Gurus. Top Sales World has named him a Top Sales & Marketing Influencer several times, and his blog has been named on many “best of” lists. LeadersHum has named him one of the 200 Biggest Voices in Leadership in 2023.

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