When you think of “good communication skills,” what do you think of? Odds are your mind goes to writing effectively, making excellent presentations, and being clear in your messages. Whether written or verbal, what you say is important. But what about how you listen and read?
I’ve long heard that fifty-one percent of effective communication is your responsibility. This old chestnut tells us that if there’s a miscommunication, we should accept a majority of the responsibility. It’s a catchy idea, and true. But most of us don’t really analyze what that means.
Whose Responsibility Is It?
When people talk about “taking responsibility” for communication, we most often refer to how the message is sent. Someone misinterpreted that email? We should have been clearer. That’s true, and to a degree helpful.
But when we remember that sending the message is only a quarter of the job, it’s hardly enough. Remember that effective communication is:
- Message sent. We spend a lot of time on this, and we should. If we don’t say or write something clearly, we are off to a really bad start. And there is no shortage of training, coaching, and information out there. Sending a well-thought-out message is an excellent start. But it’s literally the least we can do if we’re taking responsibility for the outcome.
- Message received. Now it starts to get sticky. Did the other person receive the message? This can mean “Did they actually receive it?” (Did the email get through the spam filter? Was your brilliant idea lost in all the crowd noise?) It can also mean “Did they take the time to read it all, or just scan it in their preview pane?” (Did they see it came from you, roll their eyes, and choose to ignore it?) That feels like a lot of things that are out of our control. But we get back on track with the next one.
- Message interpreted and understood. Obviously, the more detailed and clear the communication, the better the chance it will be understood. We hope. Kind of. There are factors outside of the sender’s control that can interfere with our understanding of what they tell us. Is the reader rushed? Does the reader have all the context to interpret the information effectively? Is the sender’s accent so thick that we discount its importance or credibility? Do we get so turned off by poor grammar that we ignore or discredit the message?
- Message gets (appropriately) acted on. The ultimate success of a message, written or spoken, is if the desired outcome is achieved. Do they take the action you’ve requested? Are they better informed and pass that information on to their customers? Do they do the job better/faster/smarter than they did before? Again, this sounds like it’s outside of our control. But is it?
Good leaders are excellent at taking responsibility for sending the message and doing what they can to make sure it’s interpreted. We own the heck out of that 51%. But controlling the outgoing message is only half of communication. We receive written responses and questions. We process information and decide whether to take action, or how to prioritize next steps.
Today’s Big Question
Here it is – are you ready?
Do you spend as much time reading, listening, clarifying, and making sure you properly receive and understand a message as you do sending one?
Saying someone should reduce their accent or spend more time writing a clear message may be true but that’s not taking responsibility. Your response to an email is only as effective as your understanding of their message.
Can you get past your gut reaction to a poorly written message? Do you take the time to ask clarifying questions? Do you check for understanding once your message is sent?
You can’t take more than half the responsibility for communication if you’re only working on your half.
0 comments