If I asked you to list the things that you need to build your competence in anything, the list likely contains (and likely starts with) confidence.
Without confidence, you might not try.
Once you have tried, and have at least some success, you build confidence.
So, if confidence is foundational to our (and our team’s success), how can we build it?
One way is to use questions to help us think about our experience and use that to help us build our confidence. Anytime you want to work on your confidence overall, or need an infusion of confidence in the moment, you can use these questions.
- What are three things I’ve done in my life I am proud of? When we reflect on these things, we will see that we were able to be successful then, which helps us see we can be successful again.
- When did I face a challenge and overcome it? This could be related to things you are proud of, but you could also consider something smaller, and maybe more recent. Challenges overcome, can build confidence – and we just need to be reminded of that.
- If I were already confident about this situation, what would I do (or do next)? This question allows you to project, “as if” you were confident. Then consider your answer and ask what keeps you from doing that thing!
- What would success in the next step look like? Often our confidence drops because we think about big steps, not small ones, and think we must be perfect. When you break the steps down and reassess success, you allow yourself the chance to try.
- What would my biggest supporter say to me right now? Be specific here. Think about telling someone who believes in you about the situation and what you are thinking and feeling. Then think about what they would say. Maybe this doesn’t have to be hypothetical, and you can actually ask them. But even if you can’t, thinking about what they would say to you gives you a new, and likely more positive, perspective.
- What is my negative self-talk saying to me? This is a big deal. When you hear that almost as a third party, it allows you to step back from that thinking and choose new thinking – which hopefully the other questions helped you create.
These are powerful questions to ask ourselves, but we can use them with others too. When your team’s or an individual’s confidence is low, and you want to encourage them, using these reflective questions in a meeting, conversation or coaching session can be extraordinarily powerful.
I’m confident you see that and will use these wisely for yourself and others.
My upcoming book, Flexible Leadership: Navigate Uncertainty and Lead with Confidence, helps you lead with greater confidence – even in times of uncertainty. The ideas of this article are an extension of, not a rewriting of a part of the book. Which means, if you liked this, you will love the book!
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