You ask questions all day. You ask them of all sorts of people: your boss, a colleague, a team member, or a client. You know what you want to ask, so you just ask. Sometimes it goes fine, but not always. Sometimes the conversation goes sideways, seems to put the other person on the spot, or the answer isn’t what you wanted or needed. What went wrong?
The place to start looking is before you even asked the question.
If you want to ask more effective questions, ask yourself these questions before you ask anything…
The Five Questions
- Why am I asking this question? This is the intent question. The more positive your intent, the more effective the question will land with the other person. If your intention is negative in some way, consider this a red flag, and you may want to reconsider asking at all. The rest of these questions may help you rethink your intention.
- How can I best frame the question? This is the language question. The words you use to ask the question matter a lot. When you consider the perspective and the language that will work for them, you will craft clearer and more effective questions.
- How do I make them feel valued when I ask? This is the audience question. If you want them to engage with you, and view the conversation positively, how do you need to ask it?
- How can this question help us? This is the relationship question. The last thing you want is for a question to stunt or stand in the way of your relationship. Check your intention, (question 1 above) and make sure people see your question as valuable and not a weapon or some sort of test. This is especially important when asking questions of your team.
- When (and where) should I ask? These are the context questions. I know, it is two questions, but they go hand in hand. Timing and location can carry a lot of weight in terms of how someone will hear and respond to your question. The same question in a different context could land differently. The same question Tuesday morning could have a very different result than Friday afternoon.
Using These in Real Life
Will you, or can you actually ask yourself all these questions before you ever ask anyone anything?
No – that isn’t reality.
But if you remember the big idea of all these questions, you will immediately ask better questions. The big idea of all these questions is that successful questions are about the other person, not you. We will always ask more effective questions when we think about the other person more before we ask what we want to know.
But there are bigger moments, and more important questions when consciously and intentionally asking yourself all these pre-question questions that will be well worth your time and thought.
That time and thought will pay off with better conversations, better relationships with higher trust and more useful ideas and answers.
0 comments