When it comes to effective leadership, few skills are as critical as listening. But here’s the key insight: listening is not the same as hearing. In fact, many people think they’re good listeners simply because they hear what’s being said, but true listening goes beyond just hearing words—it requires focus, engagement, and, most importantly, empathy.
This post dives into why hearing isn’t enough and what we can do to improve our listening skills for better relationships and leadership effectiveness.
The Difference Between Hearing and Listening
Listening is often misunderstood as something we do with our ears alone. This perspective is limited because it overlooks the depth of true listening. Listening involves more than auditory skills; it’s an act of presence and attention that goes beyond simply registering words.
I can think of countless times where I've made the mistake of confusing hearing for listening in my own life. A prime example? My interactions with my wife, Lori. Picture this scenario: I’m sitting on the couch, absorbed in a book or watching TV. Lori’s in the kitchen, chatting about her day. I hear her, so I respond to let her know, maybe even repeat back what she said to prove I’m listening. But she knows—she always knows—that I’m not fully tuned in. And she’s right; in that moment, I’m not truly listening.
Listening Is More Than Playback
When we rely solely on playback, repeating someone’s words to show that we’re “listening,” we miss a key part of the communication process. Listening isn’t just about recalling information or affirming that we heard what was said. It’s about interpreting meaning, sensing emotions, and giving the other person our undivided focus. Effective listening is as much about our body language as it is about our ears.
In an earlier episode of this series, I explored how we can tell if people are actually listening. It’s about eye contact, body language, and subtle cues like nodding or leaning forward. These behaviors aren’t just superficial; they demonstrate engagement. When we give someone our physical and mental attention, we’re not merely hearing—we’re genuinely listening.
Who Decides If We’re Listening?
Here’s the tricky part: whether we’re listening isn’t up to us. We judge our own listening based on our intentions, but the other person judges us by our behaviors. In my example with Lori, I might feel I’m listening because I hear the words, but she doesn’t feel heard because my actions suggest otherwise. This discrepancy creates frustration, miscommunication, and often, a sense of disconnection.
So, to be effective listeners, we must align our behaviors with our intentions. When we fail to show that we’re fully present, the other person senses it immediately. Listening requires more than just hearing the message—it demands an outward display of attentiveness that the other person can see and feel.
Listening: A Key to Stronger Leadership and Relationships
True listening is a skill that takes practice. For leaders, it’s essential. When team members feel genuinely listened to, they’re more engaged, more open, and more likely to contribute their best. Listening strengthens relationships because it communicates respect and trust.
We all know the power of feeling heard. When someone listens to us with empathy and understanding, it validates us. Leaders who listen not only improve team morale but also gain insights they might have missed otherwise.
Are You Ready to Listen?
If you’re looking to deepen your understanding of listening, start by considering your behaviors. Ask yourself: do I show I’m listening with my body language? Am I genuinely focused on the person speaking, or am I distracted? It’s not always easy, but the results—a more connected, productive, and positive work environment—are well worth the effort.
0 comments