How patient are you with others?
It’s a simple question—but not always a simple answer. If you’re like me, you might say, “It depends.” Sometimes I’m calm, collected, and patient. Other times? Not so much. And if we’re being honest, we can all look back at moments when we think, “I could have… should have… been more patient.”
But for leaders, this question carries even more weight. Patience isn’t just about staying calm—it directly affects how we lead and the relationships we build.
Why Patience Matters in Leadership
Patience isn’t just a virtue—it’s a leadership skill. Here’s how your patience (or lack of it) plays out in your leadership effectiveness:
1. Trust
When people sense that you’re impatient with them, trust can erode. They may feel less comfortable bringing you ideas, concerns, or updates. That subtle tension weakens your leadership presence.
2. Engagement
Impatience can make team members feel rushed, unvalued, or ignored—none of which contribute to engagement. On the other hand, patience helps people feel heard and supported, encouraging a more motivated team.
3. Coaching Success
Let’s face it: no one wants to be coached by someone who loses their cool at every hiccup. Your ability to be patient—while still challenging your team—is key to helping others grow.
So, What Triggers Your Impatience?
To grow in this area, you need to understand your own triggers. Often, impatience has nothing to do with the other person—it starts with us.
Here are three common culprits:
- Stress
When you're under pressure, it's easier to snap or rush others. Recognizing that your stress level is influencing your patience gives you a chance to adjust. - A Sense of Urgency
When we feel time-crunched or have an urgent need, our pace speeds up—sometimes leaving others in the dust. That urgency can turn into frustration if others don’t keep up. - Mood
If you’re already in a bad mood—maybe tired, irritated, or distracted—it’s a lot harder to offer grace and space to others.
What’s interesting about all of these triggers? They’re internal. They have more to do with you than with the people around you.
How to Respond More Patiently
If we want to be more patient with others, we first need to manage ourselves. Here are three quick strategies that help:
- Notice Your Triggers
Become aware of what sets you off. Is it a time crunch? A certain type of question? A specific individual? Awareness is the first step toward change. - Take a Deep Breath
Literally. Taking a breath slows your reaction and gives you just enough space to choose your response instead of reacting automatically. - Consider the Big Picture
In the moment, it’s easy to focus on what’s right in front of you. But ask yourself: Is this really a big deal? Will it matter tomorrow? Next week? Zooming out helps put things in perspective.
Sometimes, impatience can create urgency. That’s not always bad. But if it damages relationships, erodes trust, or discourages someone you’re leading… was it worth it?
Take the time to slow down and extend a little more grace. You may be surprised how much it improves your leadership impact.
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