For years, leaders have been taught a version of the Golden Rule:
Lead others the way you would want to be led.
While that sounds logical, I've come to believe it's incomplete advice.
In fact, one of the biggest leadership mistakes I see is leaders assuming that what works for them will work equally well for everyone else.
The reality is that your team members aren't you. They have different experiences, communication preferences, motivations, strengths, and needs. And if we want to be truly effective leaders, we need to understand and respond to those differences.
That's why I encourage leaders to think about their team members in a different way:
Your team members are your customers.
Just as customers have different needs and expectations, so do the people you lead.
Why Leadership Isn't About You
When people ask me what leadership is really about, my answer is simple:
Leadership is about achieving valuable outcomes with and through other people.
Notice what isn't at the center of that definition: you.
Leadership isn't primarily about your style, your preferences, or your comfort zone. It's about helping others succeed so that together you can accomplish meaningful goals.
Of course, who you are as a leader matters. Your character, values, and skills all make a difference. But they only matter in the context of helping others perform at their best.
That's why great leadership starts with understanding the people you're leading.
What Do Your Team Members Need From You?
Many leaders spend significant time thinking about what they need from their teams.
But how often do we stop and ask:
- What do my team members need from me?
- What helps them do their best work?
- How do they prefer to receive feedback?
- What communication style works best for them?
- What kind of support helps them feel successful?
These questions are foundational because you can't deliver what people need if you don't know what they need.
The best leaders are curious enough to ask and intentional enough to listen.
How to Lead People the Way They Need to Be Led
Once you understand what your team members want and need, the next step is adapting your approach.
This doesn't mean becoming a completely different person.
It doesn't mean abandoning your values.
And it certainly doesn't mean trying to be everything to everyone.
What it does mean is being flexible enough to adjust your methods so people can receive your leadership in the most effective way.
For example:
- One employee may prefer direct, concise communication.
- Another may need more context and discussion.
- One team member may thrive with autonomy.
- Another may benefit from more frequent check-ins.
- One person may appreciate public recognition.
- Another may prefer private acknowledgment.
The goal isn't to treat everyone identically.
The goal is to help each person succeed.
Ask for Feedback Like You Would With a Customer
Think about how successful organizations interact with customers.
They don't simply deliver a product and assume everything is fine.
They ask:
- How are we doing?
- Are we meeting your expectations?
- What could we improve?
Leaders should do the same thing.
After you've taken time to understand your team's needs and have adjusted your approach, ask for feedback.
Questions like these can create valuable insights:
- How am I doing as your leader?
- What's helping you most right now?
- What could I do differently to better support you?
- Are there obstacles I can help remove?
These conversations not only improve your leadership effectiveness but also strengthen trust and engagement.
Finding the Right Balance Between Authenticity and Flexibility
Whenever I talk about adapting your leadership approach, some leaders worry that they'll lose authenticity.
That's not what I'm suggesting.
Flexibility doesn't mean becoming someone you're not.
It means recognizing that leadership is not a one-size-fits-all activity.
The most effective leaders find the balance between:
- Being authentic to who they are.
- Adapting to what others need.
When you understand your people and intentionally move toward meeting their needs, everyone benefits.
The individual benefits.
The team benefits.
The organization benefits.
And your effectiveness as a leader grows.
Why Flexible Leadership Matters More Than Ever
Today's workplace is more diverse, distributed, and dynamic than ever before.
People bring different expectations, work styles, and communication preferences to the table.
As a result, leaders who rely solely on their natural tendencies often struggle to connect with everyone on their team.
The leaders who excel are the ones who learn to flex.
They develop the awareness, skills, and tools needed to adapt their approach without sacrificing their core values.
In other words, they practice flexible leadership.
The best leaders don't simply lead the way they want to be led.
They lead the way others need and want them to lead.
When we become more aware of the needs of the people around us and more willing to flex our approach, we create better outcomes for everyone involved.
And that's what remarkable leadership is all about.
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