If you are a parent, you are familiar with this thoughts and feelings . . .
Who is my child hanging out with? Do I know the parents of those kids? What kinds of influences are they subject to?
These are natural considerations of a loving parent. After all, we know that children are influenced by their peers – and we want the influence to be a positive one, not a negative one. We think about this from the time our kids start school, and for virtually all of the time they are in school.
Yet, when was the last time you thought about who you are associating with?
After all, you are just as impacted by your associations as your kids are by theirs. It’s time to be thinking about this for yourself. Let’s start with three questions.
Who are you spending your time with?
How are they influencing you? What are these associations leading you to think about, read, listen, watch and do? These questions may take, and warrant, your time and attention.
Is this the influence you want or need? Are these associations and their influence helping you reach your goals? Maybe your reflection on these questions leave you with a resounding “Yes!” But maybe some of your associations aren’t helping – or are even hurting you.
With your attention to these answers, you can begin to handle or manage relationships or associations that are holding you back. Here are three possible next steps . . .
1. Move on. If your association with someone creates negative habits,thoughts or stress, you may have identified a person that you don’t want to spend time with anymore. This is not an easy decision, nor something you should take lightly, but in some cases it may be necessary. This difficult choice could lead you to much greater results, productivity, and happiness.
2. Limit them. Maybe you can’t or don’t want to remove someone from your associations or life, but you don’t have to invite them to dinner every week! Consciously spend more time with those whose influence is positive and affirming and less with those who have minimal or negative influence on you.
3. Expand and engage. I hope you focus here. Work to spend more time with those who support you, challenge you and spur you towards your goals. Since you know these associations are helpful to you (and likely this is true for the other person), look for more of them!
You know it is true for your kids – the right influences and associations can make all the difference in their future. The same is true for you. It’s time to get intentional and put more of the right relationships and associations in your life.
photo credit: woodleywonderworks via photo pin cc
Kevin, I was glad to see this post. It is closely related to positive/negative attitudes. I often ask employee in those situations, what do they do to offset the negativity that is prevalent today. While the emphasis is often on books/music/movies/tv, we often underestimate the influence the people around us have on us.
One of the things I was surprised I didn’t read in this post was the action step of us being the positive influence on those who are negatively influencing those around them. For instance, instead of letting that one lemon sour the rest of the group, forcing us to remove ourselves from the situation, why don’t we choose to help shape, mold and lead that person or people in the right direction (make lemonade out of the lemons?)? Too many times, we as Americans, turn our backs and do not stand up for what is right, what is moral and although it may be good to remove yourself from the situation in some instances, I think we need to assess and possibly decide to be the positive influence rather than letting them be the negative one. (I know, easier said than done!)
Dawn – There is no doubt your point is an important one. We can choose to be a positive influence on others, and as a leader I believe we must. Easily worth another post to look at this important “other side” of the coin.
Kevin 🙂