What?
I mean Willie is and has been a lot of things, but an interpersonal skills guru?
Over the past few weeks one phrase from Willie and his buddy Waylon Jenning’s mega-hit Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys keeps popping into my head. (Actually the song was written by Ed and Patsy Bruce.)
Feel free to sing along . . .
“He ain’t wrong, he’s just different but his pride won’t let him do things to make you think he’s right.”
While I gave you the full line, the (massive) lesson is at the front of the phrase. . . “he ain’t wrong, he’s just different.”
If we keep this idea in mind we will be more successful in a whole range of sales, team and leadership situations – really in any situation where relationships matter.
- The next time you don’t understand someones resistance to a new idea of change, repeat the phrase to yourself a couple of times . . . “he ain’t wrong, he’s just different.”
- The next time you are having trouble communicating with someone, repeat the phrase to yourself a couple of times . . . “he ain’t wrong, he’s just different.”
- The next time dealing with a conflict, repeat the phrase to yourself a couple of times . . . “he ain’t wrong, he’s just different.”
- Anytime you are anticipating a challenge with someone else, start by reminding yourself, “he ain’t wrong, he’s just different.”
The grammar might not be proper, and the song may not fit your musical tastes, but when we remind ourselves of this fact we set ourselves up to have a more open mind, and to treat the other person differently, with more respect and less judgement.
In other words, we will have more satisfying and successful communications with them.
The reality is that we will always see things differently than others. That doesn’t make us right and them wrong, and yet the root of many of conflicts, arguments and communication challenges lies in people focusing on being right.
If you would like to improve how you relate with others, start with our free DISC assessment. You’ll learn how you communicate best and can use that knowledge to better understand those around you.
Kevin, all I can say to this is…………..Dat True!
I love Willie!
This reminds me of a speech I heard a few years ago. The Marion Co Library System had invited Newt Gingrich to speak on Health Care issues. Didn’t have time to stay for all of the talk. But, one of the first things he said has stuck with me.
He said that if all discussions, negotiations, etc began with “Yes, if, instead of No, because” it would allow for much more productive encounters.
A phrase such as Willie’s “he’s not wrong, he’s just different” or “Yes, if, instead of No, because” opens our minds.
Well stated. And you can add replacing “but” with “and” to that list!
Kevin 🙂
This is such an important point; to accept that ‘different’ does not equal ‘wrong’. Of course, we are all so caught up in our own ‘map of the world ‘ (to use an NLP term’) that most folk I work with are not consciously aware of just how differently other people see the world – different beliefs, different values etc. An greater awareness of this siple truth helps.
I also think that it is useful to bear in mind when we are experiencing challenging or difficult situations with others that very often their ‘negative’ reaction is because you have inadvertantly tripped over some of their own ‘baggage’. So, for expample, the fact that someone responds in a negative way to you, may be because you subconsciusly remind them of someone in their earlier life that bullied or dominated them (just one expample of an infinite number of possibilities). So, I find it useful with myself and my clients not to take things so personally. This doesn’t mean not caring. It just means giving yourself the opportunity to stand back, above the situation and identify what is the other person’s pain. If we can see the pain (and therefore why they are responding in the way they are), we not only can respond more compassionately, but we very often get a better understanding of how to respond and meet that persons needs.
Thanks for your coments Sarah – the idea of stepping back, to repersonalize a situation is a good one and as you said connects to my idea of remembering that it more about difference than “rightness”. I’m sure my family sometimes wishes I did a better job of taking my own advice.
Kevin 🙂